You come across a magic book that whatever you write in it will turn to reality.
What is the first thing you write?
I had a love affair with God and it never ended.
* * * * *(Part 1)
My relationship with God started when I was young. I was told what to think, what the Bible said, and what to do, and what not to do, and if I didn’t do it that way, I would go to a fiery hell.
But, if I did it right, I would go up in the sky to a place called Heaven and Jesus would be there, and the streets were made of gold. I would never want for anything and all my dead loved ones would be there.
That was my relationship, and if I made a mistake, or lied, or another sin —
and remember — I was born a sinner — I would be punished.
I would be judged for everything I had ever done wrong, even if it was in ignorance. Fear, which still hides within me today was instilled.
I remember a sin from a very young age.
I put a broken toy back into my grandmother’s dresser.
I never told her.
I held guilt from that literally for decades.
I’m pretty sure I won’t be burning in hell for that.
I was also reprimanded at church for asking to be saved by Jesus a second time.
I guess I was afraid that once was not enough, and someone questioned me because I went forward another day.
Shame entered my life — a friend that lives with us for most of our lives.
Unless we grow out of it.
Let’s pray we all do.
Yes — that was my relationship with God.
I stopped it pretty much when boys became more interesting.
I’m pretty sure teenage sex was a sin too — but I enjoyed that more than guilt ridden church. And I was in love.
That was my relationship with God.
That was not my affair.
* * * * * (Part 2)
The affair with God is much more exciting, rewarding and full of surprises.
I can’t tell you when it started, but after I divorced my kids’ dad.
A church found me.
I wasn’t looking for it.
I went to a singles retreat.
The teachers were ministers.
I didn’t know that.
A man and wife, together teaching of empowerment and positive living.
I thought it was some expensive organization where you had to spend a lot of money to become enlightened.
It was a beginning
of a love affair
and I didn’t even know it.
It has taken me to places I never would have imagined.
People, places, experiences, books, classes, hardship, broken relationships,
allowing myself to be treated “less than” the Holy being that I Am.
And it has given me tools and teachings to overcome many a human drama.
The face of Love, of God, changes with every season, with every birthday, with each new being that becomes part of my life. This affair grows, and abates, giving me the opportunity to test new waters, and trust the Truth that comes from within.
Within is where the I Am resides.
I Am is another word for God.
I have merged with God
and will forever be becoming
the whole of who I Am.
07-29-2017 and 07-30-2017
Written at the inspiring Powell Butte in Portland, OR